When we think about intimacy, most of us tend to think of physical compatibility. After all, what is more intimate than exploring another person’s body and seeing them naked? Physical intimacy is indeed an important part of building an intimate relationship. But other aspects of intimacy can help your relationship grow stronger and last longer. Intimate relationships require both verbal and nonverbal communication to thrive. That includes the use of touch in any form—it signals safety, trust, and affection.

What is Touch?

Touch is any form of physical contact between two people. It can be anything from holding hands to sexual intercourse. Touch can communicate a wide range of emotions and intentions. A light touch can show curiosity and exploration, while a heavier touch can communicate comfort, reassurance, or gratitude. Touch can be as simple as holding hands, or as complex as a full-blown massage. Just because two people are dating doesn't mean they have to be physically intimate. And just because two people are physically intimate doesn't mean they have an emotional connection.

Why is touch so important in relationships?

The sense of touch lies in the skin, a highly sensitive tissue capable of responding to a variety of stimuli. Touch can help you regulate your mood, reduce stress, increase feelings of love and connection, and even heal your body. Touch is one of the most important tools in my toolkit as a cuddle and massage therapist. Humans are social creatures, and touch is a basic need that we satisfy in many ways. The need to touch others is wired into our brains and bodies. Touch can make us feel safer, more secure, and more connected. At the same time, the person being touched gets a message that they are loved and accepted. There are many benefits to being touched by others. Touch can relieve stress, help you relax, and even help you recover from illness. Touch can promote empathy and affection in relationships. And it can even improve your sleep.

When touch becomes harmful

Touch can be a healthy way to express yourself, connect with others, and improve your mood. But sometimes people use touch in harmful ways. Sexual abuse and unwanted sexual contact is a serious problem, and this kind of touch isn’t healthy at all. It’s important to pay attention to how you feel and how your partner feels about physical contact. If you feel pressured to do something you don’t want to do, or if your partner is not respecting your boundaries, that’s a sign that touch has become harmful. It’s also important to watch for touch that is meant to intimidate or demean you. This can include hitting, punching, or slapping, as well as sexual touching when you don’t want it.

Talking to your partner about your needs

It’s important to understand that while touch can enhance your relationships, the wrong kind of touch can also be harmful. So it’s important to communicate and set boundaries when it comes to physical intimacy. If you’re in a long-term relationship, you likely have a good idea of the type of touching that makes you feel safe and loved. But if you’ve recently started a new relationship, you may not know what your partner is comfortable with. You may want to start by making a list of the types of physical contact that you find enjoyable. And then share your list with your partner so that they know what you want and need from them. Your partner may have different needs and desires, so it’s important to listen to them and respect their boundaries, too. You can ask your partner to do the same for you. It’s important to remember that you can always say no to touch, even if your partner is a good, loving person.